My Election Diary
My account of the 2020 Election from my Outward Bound course
*For some context, at this point in the course, we had just completed canoeing on the Rio Grande and we were going to be on the Outward Bound base in Redford, Texas cleaning our gear, planning for the hiking segment of the trip and doing a Wilderness First Aid course.
*All times in this article are Central Standard Time (CST) and all the names of my leaders and group mates have been changed to protect their privacy. Also some language has been altered as well.
November 3, 2020, around 2:00pm
Happy Election Day! Currently I’m in a car driving to Black Rocks (the campsite we were going to stay at that night) listening to some rock music. I don’t know the songs, but it’s it’s nice to hear music and have some air conditioning.
I’m nervous about the election. I honestly don’t know what happen. Half of me thinks Trump, half of me thinks Biden. I’m going to read my lists (I made lists of my election fears, how I would deal with a Biden loss, people I was thinking about and songs I was playing in my head) and I saw that Natalie (one of my leaders) has a plan for our group for dealing with the election.¹ I want to talk to my leaders about it. And I’ll keep taking to James (one of my group mates who I was talking about my feelings about election with over the past few days).
I’m really hoping Kelly (our course director, who was also really nervous about the election) will be with us tonight, but she might not. (Kelly was also wearing a shirt that day that showed RBG with some huge muscles)
I’m feeling down today. I really hope I can get some space, as I feel like things are bothering me more than normal. I have not seen any civilization, so I feel like I’m still isolated.
November 3, 2020, 8:10pm
I made a list of things in the future I was looking forward to
- Relaxing at base and not have to exert myself all day
- Backpacking in the desert
- Completing the PCE (Personal challenge event, an eight mile run)
- Finding out about Hamilton stuff (classes, what dorm I’d be living in)²
- Going to Phoenix and seeing my grandfather
- Being back at the grocery store I work at
- Talking to my college’s All Beliefs Union (who I had talked to a lot during quarantine)
- Celebrating or commiserating with the Hamilton Democrats
- Listening to Dreamcatcher (a song I listened to a lot before my trip)
- Listening to Change (a song that has gotten me through a lot of hard times)
- Eating baked ziti
- Watching The Closer
- Telling my family about the trip
- I wrote that no matter which way the election went, I would be writing letters to my mother, my father, my aunt and my grandmother
I’m honestly grateful I’m out here. I remember not being able to eat on Election Day in 2018. Today, I ate oatmeal, beans cheese, crackers, a tortilla, gorp and Spanish risotto.
I have had dreams where both Trump and Biden have won (over the past month), so I don’t think my dreams are predictions of the future.³
It’s 8:10pm. States are probably already being called. Mail in ballots could complicate that though, so I’m not sure. There hasn’t been any big twist in the election (according to my leaders), but I’ll probably never be satisfied until I see 538 or RealClearPolitics or Rachel Bitecofer’s tweets.⁴ Which I obviously can’t do out here.
I bet there’s a watch party at Hamilton. People there are probably stressed too. It’s good that I’m not alone.
I’m a little less anxious than I thought I would be. It’ll definitely be worse tomorrow as we get close to Redford. They’re gonna let me know (the election results) in private though.
The instructors are stressed too. Kelly’s going for a run in in the morning. I did the dance (that she and another instructor taught me during one of our rest days) for them. I’m kinda excited to do that at base.
I made another list of things I’m excited about doing at base
- Meeting some new instructors
- Showering
- Haircuts
- Having the election be over
- Canyoneering
- Granola
It’s now 10pm on Eastern Time. I remember on election night 2016, that was when I got back to 25 House (the dorm I lived in that year in high school). By then, we knew Trump had a serious chance of winning. I wonder if people know now. My loved ones and friends very well could be celebrating or grieving. For all I know, protests could already be happening in D.C. now. The world hasn’t blown up, so things can’t be too bad yet.
The results must be coming in in New York too. I wonder how Upstate voted this time. Really hoping the best for Brindisi.
Then again, mail in votes could make everything unpredictable. I remember in Arizona, Sinema didn’t take the lead until almost a week later. Could that be the case elsewhere?
I seriously cannot believe I’m tired and about to go to sleep not knowing who won. I guess it’s cause there’s no way I can find out and lack of build up.⁵
November 4, 2020, around 8:30am
Well Natalie hit me with the cold hard truth this morning… there are no results.⁶ States haven’t been called yet cause of mail in votes. There are so many scenarios running through my mind.
- Trump is leading by a lot and Biden wants to wait for mail in votes which have either mostly been counted (hopeless) or have not been counted (hopeful)
- The election is tied, yet mail in votes are still coming in. There could be a little left (a little hopeful) or a lot left (more hopeful)
- Biden is leading by a bit and there are still mail ins left (hopeful)
Anyways, Kelly isn’t depressed so that’s a good sign. I’m a little less stressed because there isn’t a truth bomb waiting for me in Redford and Natalie will update me more and hopefully I can see more results. Anyways, time for some pop music for the drive!
The songs that were played on the drive to Redford (in order)
- Ghost by Ella Henderson
- Old Town Road by Lil Nas X and Billy Ray Cyrus
- A few songs I didn’t know
- You Need to Calm Down by Taylor Swift
- A song I didn’t know
- Starving by Hailee Steinfeld
- A few songs I didn’t know
- Bad Ass Woman by Meghan Trainor
Around this time, I noted that I was able to see one of the places we camped about a week ago where I had a dream I was at a Taylor Swift concert with some of the people on my course and we parted ways at a subway station.
- Back to Life by Soul II Soul
- Dance Monkey by Tones and I
- The Bones by Maren Morris, as we drove down a beautiful descent
- Raising Hell by Kesha
- I’m So Paid by Akon, Lil Wayne and Jeezy
- Formation by Beyoncé
- Daddy Lessons by Beyoncé and The Chicks
- Green Light (Remix) by Lorde, as we drove into Redford
November 4, 2020, 6:00pm
Well, it’s 6pm and we still don’t know who won. Goody!
The election is kinda tight. I’ll be honest, I was either expecting Trump to win Pennsylvania, Michigan and Wisconsin again or Biden to blow out Trump. But I guess this kinda what was expected and I had a gut feeling this would go like that, just like a Trump win (in 2016).
Here’s the status:
Biden is at 253 (according to Kelly). He has Wisconsin (yay!) and Michigan. He’s also leading in Arizona and Nevada, which would put him at 270. I REALLY hope Kelly is right.⁷ Then again, doing the math again. Trump might have won either ME-02 or NE-02 and Biden won the other. I really hope the lead holds and, knowing the past two cycles (in Arizona and Nevada), I’m hopeful.
But I’m not getting my hopes up. Trump is ahead in Pennsylvania, but there are over a million votes left to be counted. I’m conflicted on this. Trump won Wisconsin and Pennsylvania by similar margins in 2016, but Hillary campaigned in Pennsylvania and never visited Wisconsin. If Biden wins Arizona and Nevada though, it’s all over. A 270–268 Biden victory would really piss Trump off.
Florida let us down again. Georgia and North Carolina are too close to call. Susan Collins somehow won and I’m not too hopeful for taking the Senate. Gotta eat dinner now.
November 4, 2020, around 8:00pm
No new election updates. Man I really convinced myself it was going to be over by now. But given how slowly Arizona counts and how votes are still coming in in Pennsylvania, we really might not know for a while.⁸
Anyways to recap the rest of the day, the drive was pretty epic. There was a steep hill and we had the fill the trailer (tires) with air. We then got to Redford, unloaded our stuff and started gear clean after that. I cleaned the water jugs and poop buckets⁹ and got to listen to People Like Us (by Kelly Clarkson) and You Gotta Be (by Des’ree). In the afternoon, we finished gear clean and started to pack bags (for the hiking portion of the trip). I got a little hopeless hearing some of the (election) results (namely Florida), but I’m more hopeful knowing Biden is so freaking close. Come on Arizona and Nevada!
We then took showers and I accidentally put toilet paper in the toilet and had to plunge it.¹⁰ Feel refreshed though. Dinner was mac and chili and it was pretty good. We finalized our food plan (for the hiking portion) after dinner.
I’m so glad I’m out here right now. The election updates are kinda sporadic, but if I was at home or at Hamilton, I wouldn’t be eating at all. I’m really trying to prepare for the worst, but after a Trump blowout didn’t happen, it’s kinda hard to do that now.
I bet all the Hamilton Democrats are so nervous and so upset about the Senate. I guess I didn’t really see a Democratic President and a GOP Senate, but that’s a big possibility.
I really don’t know how NY-22 turned out. I’m hopeful given the polls and the rest of the Rust Belt, but it is definitely up in the air at this point. I wonder how close Texas was and if Dems picked up any house seats.¹¹
It’s a lot to wonder and I’m still nervous. Gotta go to bed cause I’m freaking exhausted.
November 5, 2020, around 12:00pm
Still no results damn it! I’m in the dark.
Today we woke up, had oatmeal and went to go pack food. I worked with Brett (one of my other group mates) to pack breakfast and dessert. We then packed dried fruit, which was so tedious. I had to measure everything out so specifically.
I went into a bit of a rant about group dynamics, which I will not be including.
A little while later
Well I just played some ninja, so I feel better. But anyway, after we finished up food packing, we finished cleaning up and organizing our gear from the river. We then went to the front slab (a patio on the base) to play some music.
I’ve been having mood swings all day. I feel like it’s worse midday and gets better in the afternoon. Maybe it’s because because I’m not anticipating election results during this time. I’m really thinking about my family and I can’t wait to write them a letter with disappointment or happiness. Cause I’m seriously conflicted.
- Arizona usually takes a while to count. But why haven’t they called it for Biden yet because it only got better and better for Sinema.
- Nevada is usually ready by election night. Hillary only won there narrowly, yet it was still called that night. There might be a bunch of absentees or mail ins, which I guess benefits Dems but you never know.
- Pennsylvania is definitely not over. Mail in ballots are still being accepted until tomorrow and I guess they must have had a system breakdown. The five point trump lead worries me, but Michigan and Wisconsin would have had to have been really really close if Trump ends up winning there. I just don’t have info.
- Georgia and North Carolina could have been called for Trump already for all I know. No matter what, we just can’t turn those states blue. I’m just assuming that but my info is scarce.
I’m really wishing I had access to the New York Times website right now. Then I could get a much better indication for what’s left to count and how much of a chance Biden and Trump have.
Gimme More (by Britney Spears) is playing right now and we also heard No Such Thing (by John Mayer). Really bringing me back to my early days at VA (my high school).
I’ll be honest, if you told me a few months ago, I would be in the middle of Texas finding out election results so sporadically, I would never have believed you. But here I am.¹²
I can’t wait for this to be over. A Trump win would freaking suck at this point. I’d rather he have won outright than winning after a few days. But a Biden win would trump everything (no pun intended). I can’t wait to listen to Dreamcatcher, watch The Closer and eat baked ziti.
November 5, 2020, around 8:00pm
Just did a cosmic appreciation for my parents. I know they’re thinking of me so much during this time. It must be pure chaos in election world. Speaking of which…
Kelly told me no states have been called but things are trending towards Biden. That must be the case because apparently the Trump campaign filed lawsuits. They wouldn’t do that unless they were afraid of losing. Apparently Georgia is within 7,000 votes. Fingers crossed!
We might not know about Nevada until Saturday or Sunday. Pennsylvania and North Carolina not so sure. I was right about Nebraska and Maine btw. Natalie is pleasantly shocked about Biden’s lead in Arizona (she was originally from there).
November 6, 2020, 7:45pm
I slept terribly last night. Must’ve been the fact that we didn’t do anything and went to bed super super early. It’s not even 8pm now and I’m barley even tired.
Anyways, we woke up early to singing at 6am (presumably from our other leader Sam). Ryan, Alec and Conor (my other group mates) heated water for some very sugary grape nuts. We then went over to the (main) slab for WFA.
We did a bunch of stuff today for WFA. We learned how to approach a scene, take vital signs, do a body examination and got to play the victim with fake blood. It’s a lot to take in. It was a little hard to pay attention but it was nice to move around.
I also got to talk to some of the other group (we were doing this course with another group that was also on base this week). One of them is actually from (the town next to mine where I had worked at a grocery store for the past few months). I bet I bagged groceries for her or her parents. The others sounded pretty nice too. Most are on gap years but one just graduated. I hope we can do a socially distanced dinner or something but they’re in a much different part (of the course).
We then chilled on the front slab. Dinner was a lot of mac and cheese and I had some of Sam’s dahl.
Went into another rant about group dynamics.
Anyways, Sam gave me an election update. Alas, nothing is finalized but heres the status:
Nevada: Biden has continued to pull ahead, not sure by how much but his lead has grown.
Arizona: Biden is at 51% and sounded like it has grown. That’s more than Sinema won by.¹³
Pennsylvania: Biden took the lead from Trump. He’s ahead by 13,000 votes. Today’s the last day mail in votes can be accepted, so it should be over soon.
Georgia: Trump is nursing a 1,000 vote lead. It could literally go either way. A recount could be likely.
North Carolina: Trump is still ahead, not sure by how much
It would be crazy if Georgia went blue, but not North Carolina. I wouldn't have bet any money on that.
I’m NOT ready to blast Perfect Day by Hoku just yet.¹⁴ Trump could come back, but it’s hard to control your feelings when you realistically can’t see any way Trump can win this. Just like you knew Trump was gonna win the moment Wisconsin went red in 2016. I’ll ask Kelly or Sam for another update tomorrow afternoon.
I’m a little disappointed about the Senate, but after learning about how much executive power the president has,¹⁵ a Trump loss and a GOP senate is a lot better than the outcome of 2016. I shouldn't be getting my hopes up though.
I wonder how everyone on both sides of the political divide are reacting. I’m kinda afraid given how drawn out it was. People will be more polarized than ever. Is there gonna be a civil war?¹⁶ God I’m so glad I’m in the backcountry and have so much to distract me. Really thinking of my family and can’t wait to write those letters.
November 7, 2020, around 12:30pm
Well, it finally happened. The election has been called. Joe Biden is our next president.
I can’t really explain how I feel. It’s just silent relief. I’m not super emotional about it. Apparently, according to Kelly, people are celebrating in the streets. Maybe I’ll stop having mood swings now. Things just feel calmer. That’s the best description.
Trump has not commented and civil war hasn’t erupted.¹⁷ Let’s hope for the best.
Nevada and Pennsylvania were both called for Biden putting him over 270. North Carolina, Georgia and Arizona are still up in the air. Holding out hope still. Feel good about Arizona. Georgia could go either way. North Carolina will probably go Trump but who knows. Biden has taken the lead in Georgia, so yeah it could really happen. Red North Carolina and blue Georgia!
I’m singing Perfect Day by Hoku. Someone’s (one of the other leaders) talking about the results right now. Biden has won Pennsylvania and Nevada for sure. I guess Allan Lichtman was right yet again.
November 7, 2020 around 5:00pm
I wrote letters to my parents and my friend. Some games of loon biscuit are going on, and we’re gonna have Spanish risotto!¹⁸
I’m no longer fully recapping my days. These next parts are just any mentions of the election I make in my journal.
November 8, 2020, around 9:00pm
Apparently, Biden and Harris gave speeches. Biden’s was about unity and healing the country. Tbh, I’m not crazy about President Biden, but it’s a billion times better than Trump. I am really excited about VP Kamala Harris. She’s making history in so many ways and will be a great VP.¹⁹
Definitely feel a little more excited than yesterday. It’s starting to set in that Trump will be gone. I guess since today’s November 8th, I’m thinking about where I was four years ago. How terrible and scared I felt back in 25 House and my mom telling me to calm down and all those angry texts. It must be a little less sad to read them now.
There’s a line from The Penderwicks about Rosalind feeling a calm happiness, like everything’s going the way it should. That’s how I feel. I’m still not super estatic. Maybe that’ll change when I get my phone back. But it’s good being in this place right now. Oh and also, I hope Ms. Johnson (my 11th grade history teacher) is doing well.²⁰ She must be excited about Kamala.
November 20, 2020, around 9:00pm²¹
Final election update, because I don’t think anything will change before Tuesday.
All the states have been called. Georgia went to Biden, North Carolina went to Trump. Not what I would have expected. It’ll be interesting to see all that election analysis. Maybe it’ll have to do with Gwinnett County.
Trump has not conceded and is trying to convince electors. Seeing what happened in 2016, it seems kinda fruitless. I guess his appeal to the Supreme Court didn’t go through.²²
Afterword
I got my phone back on the day the course ended on November 24th, the day after Emily Murphy officiated the transition. The election was a lot closer than I thought and Democrats ended up losing a bunch of house seats. I read a bunch of articles about how the polls were wrong as we drove from Redford to El Paso, where I flew to from there Phoenix that day.
Later, when I watched videos of the guy with the BBQ, Beer and Freedom shirt, the crowds of people chanting “Stop the count!” and Rudy Giuliani’s press conference outside Four Seasons Total Landscaping, I was like, “Wait, that all actually happened?”
So when people ask me where I was when all those events happened, I tell them I didn’t know about them until nearly three weeks later. And frankly, to this day, I definitely feel it was the best thing for me. The amount of stress I go through every election would’ve been multiplied times 1000 had I been on the grid. Already, I’m thinking about how I can get off the grid or out of the country on November 5, 2024!
[1]: I don’t specifically remember this. I must’ve caught a glance of her trip notes.
[2]: None of that ended up mattering, as I ended up taking another semester off
[3]: I actually believed one of my dreams involved Pennsylvania leaning red but not quite within Trump’s grasp, which is what ended up happening.
[4]: Yes I shouldn’t have put my faith in election predictors, but hindsight is 20/20.
[5]: I was getting pretty tired by this point. I believe what I meant by lack of build up was that I hadn’t had access to phone for nearly 2 weeks by then, so I wasn’t constantly getting stressed by the latest news developments or polls.
[6]: Kelly was able to look up some of the election results on her phone. This was around 7am, so Biden had taken the lead in Wisconsin by that point.
[7]: Doing the mental math in my head from the 2016 map, I thought at the time Biden would’ve been at 252. But then I remembered Maine and Nebraska.
[8]: I had no idea it was Nevada that was taking forever to count… until I saw all those memes after the course!
[9]: Yes indeed, we had to set up a mini toilet at camp every day and carry our poop with us. It sounds pretty gross but hey, thats leave no trace for you!
[10]: The toilet at base would clog if any toilet paper was put in it. There was a sign saying so, but lifelong habits die hard!
[11]: Keep in mind, I had little to no intel about any state’s margins.
[12]: The decision to do the Outward Bound course was a quick last minute one. I signed up in mid-July only a few days after I decided not to go back to college in the fall.
[13]: I’m not sure if this was my assumption, given what happened with Sinema, or if I was incorrectly told by my leader that it was growing.
[14]: I told myself months before then if Biden won the election, I would blast that song. Obviously I couldn’t do that out here, so by blasting, I mean I would just sing it to myself.
[15]: I had taken American Political Process in college the previous spring and learned about how over time, Congress has delegated more and more powers to the president.
[16]: This legitimately gives me chills whenever I read it. Even when I had no idea what exactly was going on, part of me knew something like January 6th was going to happen.
[17]: He might not have been commenting publicly, but he sure was tweeting hard.
[18]: Loon biscuit is a game we played where one of us would say loon and the other biscuit, and we would keep saying the word we believed had the most in common between the two. We’d keep doing that with each word we said until we got the same word. Also I just realized how the election for me started and ended with Spanish risotto!
[19]: I’m NOT part of K-Hive, but I DO still think everyone’s too harsh on her.
[20]: On the day after the 2016 election, she was devastated about Trump’s win and class that day was just us sharing our feelings and meditating. Two of my classmates made cookies for her, which was the sweetest thing.
[21]: We were doing service that day after hiking for a little over a week and Kelly had come to bring us tools and do service with us. She gave us this update.
[22]: I had assumed SCOTUS had rejected his appeal if he was convincing electors. This didn’t come until later obviously.